When I look at a room like this I automatically feel relaxed. Don't get me wrong, I love art and I think I am a very visual person. But knowing I had a place like that to go would be awesome. My only fear would be retreating there too often. Where is all of this leading? To what I learned when I was sick. Several years ago I had cancer. I was told it was the "best kind of cancer to have." Noted to any Dr's this isn't really a good sales pitch. Anyways I'm all better now. I had surgery and the went through a short radiation treatment. Now before I get to the real point here I'd like to say something about radiation. I had to take a single radioactive iodine dose. Not really that bad, no having loss or any of that kind of stuff. However, when a nurse brings in a small lead box, opens it, removes a smaller lead cylinder, looks at me and says once I give you this you'll need to take it with a full glass of water. Then the fun begins, she takes the top of the cylinder, pours one small pill into a plastic cup and then quickly walks away from me and out of the room as if I had just stepped on a landmine. My first thought was "hmmm and I'm suppose to swallow this??" A few minutes later she walks in with a Geiger counter, waves the wand in front of me, and it starts clicking like crazy. Yep I'm now radioactive. Now my mind goes to "I sure hope I get a cool super power outta this." Then the nurse leaves.
I guess this would be where the learning starts for me. Prior to going to the hospital I was told I would be in isolation for about 3 days. Everyone kept asking me if I was going to be okay with this. My honest answer was I thought so but I hadn't given it much thought. Isolation means a room by myself with no visitors. There is a vestibule between the heavy metal door that leads to my room and the regular door out to the hallway. This takes away all of the outside noise from the hallway. There's a window that looks out onto a roof and a plaster wall. So basically I have no view of the outside world. Other than the window and the TV there is nothing visually stimulating about the room. The nurse only comes by to drop food off in the vestibule or once a day to check my with the Geiger counter. So basically I'm alone and I figure out very quickly how ok I am with that. Don't get me wrong, I have a wife and kids who I miss (I do get to talk to them on the phone) but other than that this seems really NICE!! I channel surf a bit and realize I prefer the quiet over the TV and that other than the fact that I get hungry I don't look forward to the visits by the hospital staff, I'm happy to just be alone. I spend a lot of time in my own head just thinking and drawing occasionally. I end up going through three days with probably less than one hour a day of human contact and even I was surprised that I never felt lonely or bored. I just enjoyed being lost in my own head. When the Geiger counter stopped clicking so much they let me out. Everyone asked if it was difficult being locked in isolation for a few days and seemed shocked when I would say it was nice. I think as introverts we all need a place like this. We have to be careful to not shut ourselves off too much from the ones we love but we do need to recharge. I was talking with a friend a while back and we got on the topic of down time. He brought up the point that maybe while it seemed selfish up front to take the time in the end it would actually be better because I would spend the rest of my time more relaxed and engaged with my family. While I see the logic to this I still feel the guilt when I need that down time. It's will most likely be a work in progress for quite a while to find the right balance. For now I can look at the picture of that room and dream of a space like that for myself one day.
Posted with Blogsy
No comments:
Post a Comment