So there's a pretty accurate picture of me. I use to think and joke that this was because I did'nt really like people. But that never felt quite right. I have friends and family so I must like people at some level right??? What I have finally come to understand is that small talk wears me out. It doesn't mean I'm not interested in you or annoyed by you. Actually it's the opposite I am interested in the real you and small talk doesn't get me to the real you. Small talk to me sounds the the teacher from the Peanuts cartoons, it's just noise. What I really want you to do is be real when you talk to me. If I ask, "how are you doing?" I really mean it, you are not required to give the socially acceptable answer of "fine." You can actually talk to me, I'd really prefer that. Here's the funny thing. I really don't even have to have a similar interest in what you are talking about. For example, I'm not a big sports fan (football, baseball, basketball) I don't care anything about them. I do watch some hockey and UFC. But I have several friends that are rabbid sports fans. They follow teams, players, and have fantasy leagues they have teams in. I can sit and listen to them talk about this for hours. They even tease me sometimes and say "you have no idea what we're talking about do you?" My response is, "no not really but keep talking it's fine." This is because they are talking about something they care about and that interests me. I get to listen and learn more about them.
Remember, introverts are worn down by social interaction not energized by it like extroverts. Because of this the time we do spend on it is very important to us because it doesn't take much and we're done for the day. So given the choice between small talk and really talking to you we'd prefer to use our limited energy getting to know you instead of just being polite. So please remember when you're talking to an introvert talk to them about topics you really care about. I remember sitting alone one evening and thinking, "people waste too many words." There is so much talking during a day that results to nothing but noise. As I learned from Big Bang Theory, this is just another social convention. But, I really just don't get this one. I understand a polite hi when you see someone to acknowledge their presence. I just don't get the five minute conversation about nothing that follows. For me if you don't have anything to say to me that is fine. We can both say hi and move on through the rest of our day.
I have learned this can cause me some problems. For example my parents are both EXTROVERTS. For them if we don't talk several times a week something is wrong and they feel neglected. My problem is I just don't have that much to say most of the time. I haven't quite figured out what to do about this. I've tried faking my way through polite, small talk, phone conversations. But they seem to notice that I'm struggling to stay on the phone. I wear down after about five minutes of the polite chit-chat at which point something in my voice must change because I always seem the get asked, "are you ok, you sound tired". I'm fine but I've used I up all my social energy so yes I am tired. For now I'll keep pressing on until I can figure out a better solution.
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